Thursday, 13 October 2016

The Perfect Day

I am learning to make my writing more interesting for the reader. I know I will be able to do this when I add more detail, use interesting words and include what I can see, hear, smell and feel. I started with my brainstorm.

It is 9:30 am. Mum had just finished saying. “Time to pick up Deakyn and go to Reefton skatepark.’’
Then Locky arrived, just in time to go. I know this is going to be the  perfect day.

The trip was good. The road was smooth and I was hungry. The car was a mess, we stopped to pick up Deakyn. We pretended to play video games for awhile before we arrived at Reefton skatepark.

As soon as we arrived I grabbed my skateboard and went down the steep slope.  I only went down once before I tried the big dome.
After the big dome I had something to eat, got on my scooter and went down a steeper slope. I was getting tired now. I came back to Mum for lunch. I had a chicken bun and a sandwich. This was delicious and just what I needed to skate again.

Finally I went on my scooter and scootered around everywhere. By this time we were all tired but before we left we went to the dairy to get a  frozen milk shake. It was very good. We dropped  Deakyn off on the way home and travelled to Blackball skatepark.

This was the best day ever. I cannot wait until next time.
By

2 comments:

  1. Miss B (Principal)17 October 2016 at 19:36

    Tino pai, I like the way you have used time connectives in your story like then, as soon as, finally. You have told me many things that you have done. I would like to know what it was like going down the steep slope. What was going through you mind going down the big dome?

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  2. Anonymous18 October 2016 at 10:24

    Hi Peter. I like how you said I cannot wait until next time. You could say how you grabbed the skateboard and the scooter.

    ReplyDelete

Thank-you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.

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